Joel Valery Ntsegue, cicm
Introduction
I have chosen the better part (cf. Lk 10:42). It all started with the testimony of a CICM elder, Father Emmanuel Iroung, who, inspired by Lk 10:42, said in sharing his experience during our intensive preparation session for perpetual vows: "My brothers, know that you have chosen the better part. People may say: But why did he choose to serve Christ? Why didn't he choose some other ‘profession’? These words from my confrere moved me deeply: I spent two days in a row meditating on them. I thought back to my childhood in my native Mva'a and my beautiful little life in my adoptive Mfou. The whole story of my vocation flashed through my mind. I could see again how the Lord had burst into my life, how he had laid his hand on me and guided my life until I made the choice to devote myself to him. Such a choice is not without consequences, especially at this moment when I desire to offer myself to him definitively. And while considering my limited knowledge of myself, a few questions nagged at my mind: "What will become of me with my definitive consecration? What will my new choices be? What should my new course of action be?” As I pondered these questions, the days passed: interview after interview, sharing experiences here and excursions there, until the retreat preached by Father Jean Lugbu on the theme “Final Consecration through the Profession of the Evangelical Counsels in Religious Life" arrived. As I revisited my personal encounters with God, I discovered that saying yes to Him through the Congregation of the Immaculate Heart of Mary opened my heart to new realizations.
Consecrating Myself to God for Life
A few years ago, I was still groping my way, evaluating myself and allowing myself to be evaluated, waiting for a favorable response from my superiors to renew my religious commitments. Now, it is time to live my consecration in a profound way. How good and pleasant it is to seek to grow in our quality of being! Indeed, to consecrate is to set apart for a higher good. In our context, religious consecration is an act that unites the religious man or woman to God, so that the person finds himself or herself set apart, separated from the world and from all that he or she possesses. But what will consecrating myself totally change in me? The experience of Jesus' encounter with Zacchaeus helped me understand that my idea of consecration was not about climbing, or rather ascending, the stages of initial formation, but about descending, like Zacchaeus, from our sycamore tree to encounter the humility incarnate in Jesus. Hence, the need to avoid consecrating myself lightly. To consecrate oneself lightly is to expose oneself to great regret.
Unbinding myself
In addition to consecrating myself fully to God, I have chosen to unbind myself from whatever, as in Zacchaeus' encounter with Jesus, prevents me from truly seeing God. It also means unbinding myself from anything that keeps Jesus from entering and dwelling in my house. I realize it is not those who wish to be religious who are so, but those who risk breaking with the world, renounce their possessions, and accept separation from their families to follow Christ, whom they now love above all. Taking this risk requires the audacity to leave, abandon, and sell everything to begin a new exodus with Christ. A religious person publicly professes to renounce fundamental rights: marriage, private property, and shaping their own life plan, in order to imitate Christ, who was chaste, poor, and obedient.
Binding myself
By analogy, consecration is like a marriage between a man and his sweetheart: he leaves one state of life to enter another. For me as a religious, the act of leaving and leaving everything behind becomes the first condition of my vocation. Indeed, leaving deserves more commitment on the part of the religious. I keep asking myself: “Have I really left everything behind to bind myself to God? Am I not still attached to what I claim to have left behind? If not, why should I detach myself from what I love only for Christ? And what will become of my family? Where will I keep my youthful plans while my peers are “rolling in the money"? The teachings and discussions with my brothers during the session opened my eyes to a deeper understanding that “leaving everything behind” is about inner detachment to prioritize God. Indeed, the Bible asks us to leave everything behind and choose God as our first love. But leaving everything behind does not mean destroying oneself; it does not mean forgetting one's biological family to the point of not helping them even when one can. Nor does binding oneself to God mean ceasing to live or to be joyful. For “when there is no joy in religious life, something is wrong.” [1] And I, who would like to make a definitive commitment today after having detached myself from everything, will I not bind myself to what would prevent me from better following and serving Christ in the future?
Having a new identity
In light of the above, I inevitably realize that if my consecration is not lived well, my identity and religious belonging will fall apart. And Pope Francis emphasized three pillars of religious belonging that give us a new identity, namely humility, fidelity, and prayer. In reality, consecration did not begin with me, and it will not end with me. It was given to me as a gift within my religious family, the CICM. It is necessary for me to cultivate fidelity, love, and peace. For now, everything that affects the Congregation also affects me and vice versa. I must have an overflowing love for the Institute. Since it is the nature of the Institute to grow, and it will grow through its members, I should not be a hindrance to the blossoming of my religious family. Not only could this tarnish its image and reputation, but it would also make it ineffective and less productive. My final consecration, therefore, calls me to inner and outer fidelity. My new identity obliges me to be a more prayerful man. I must pray for my religious family and for the world. I must pray for my consecration so that I may remain authentic and consistent in my identity and experience as a religious, and that I may always seek to preach by example.
Conclusion
At the dawn of my perpetual profession, I stand before the Lord's love for me and for his people as before a mirror, and I feel so small, so unworthy that I surrender myself defeated and resolve to abandon myself totally to him. May he continue to guide my life until it becomes useful for the coming of his Kingdom through the religious missionary work of our beloved Congregation. To him, I want to devote myself forever. For him and for his work of saving the world, I detach myself from everything that is not him, and that distances me from him. I bind myself to him by surrendering my freedom to him. While thanking him for his grace upon me, a sinner, I allow myself to be consumed by his unconditional love, which has graciously granted me a new identity. I want to remain faithful to him, but I know that my own strength is not enough to face the assaults of evil, which always tends to prevent me from leaving everything behind for the Lord. I still count on his grace, and I promise to always depend on it. For he is and remains the rock on which my being clings.
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[1] Pope Francis, March 21, 2015, meeting with the clergy, religious and permanent deacons of Naples.
